‘I think he can see through everything but my heart’
A beautiful song; one of the very FIRST Taylor Swift songs I ever heard.
Escapism is sweeter than chocolate. Words and words by Snigdha Nautiyal.
‘I think he can see through everything but my heart’
A beautiful song; one of the very FIRST Taylor Swift songs I ever heard.
These two weeks were fabulous because of you.I was thinking of everything over and over in my head. It has been since August but I can see my autumn and winter planned out.
These two weeks were fabulous because you made them. And me? I’m a coward. But this is how I have always reached out to people. And I did reach out to you. And you made me feel good about myself.
These two weeks were fabulous because yesterday on the phone with my best friend, I told her how I sometimes felt unworthy because of things that happened to me and I never stopped but she said I shouldn’t feel this way because I deserve happiness too.
There two weeks were fabulous because every time one of us let go, we wanted to be back immediately.
These two weeks were fabulous because of what you did and how it changed things. They were fabulous because I couldn’t sleep. Because I have never been so busy and full before.
And that void is gone. I am better off this way.
If I have to know you, I need to know you
Every second of every day
I need to feel you like the evening breeze
And I need to understand you heartbeat for heartbeat.
There is a desire deep inside me
To run away to some other world
To stop moving in these big circles
To understand love as love should be
If I didn’t want to feel you, I wouldn’t live
Another second of another day
And there is no exit on this road ablaze
But I don’t want to walk alone anymore
There is a storm deep inside me
Wanting to burst out into a thousand colours
Wishing to paint away all the blandness
But the depth of your arms it would be still
If I were a rebel, I would forget you
In that new moment of a new day
But my depths understand only one passion, one trust
And everything else plays in a miserable note
There is darkness deep inside me
And I don’t want anyone else to clear it
Ever promise I make is real
Every tear I would cry would spell your name
If I wanted to stay away, I would have gone
In those first hours of our first dates
But I believed in more, I believed in reasons
And I was looking for the kind of happiness you could bring
There is an ocean of fortitude in my eyes
I have desires to be absolutely clear
I have signed a death-willed pact with God
I have been thankful for every little instance
If I wanted to flash my heart, I would have destroyed it
If I desired to give up I wouldn’t be here
I’ve told you I did not play any hide-and-seek
Your assurances make me strong but I will need you more now
There is a silence inside my heart
A still place where this tenderness does not ebb
That melting fountain of emotion does not have anything to say
And this place is ethereal
But it wants you
It needs the exquisiteness to last
It does not want to fight
It does not want to seek
It would have nowhere else to go
It would explode in self-derision
Spinning with breaks
Gentle endings over my body
In the middle of the night
A wavering of resolution
Led to that one major problem
Fixing a life so broken
It tore me into two
But the answers were right there;
They found me
You were right there all that time;
You found me
Dedicating it to the person who suggested it to me. You make my smile wider. 🙂
I’ve been keeping my eyes wide open
Ooh, your love is a symphony
All around me, running through me
Ooh, your love is a melody
Underneath me, running to me
Oh, your love is a song
Saw you standing a few feet away from me
In those few short steps I skipped a heartbeat
Wondered why I was feeling so shy
But your smile made my eyes grow moist
And it was one of the most beautiful moments
Of my life
Sat next to you under the starry sky
Feeling your hand entwined through mine
Your arm around me and I felt content
Like there was nowhere else I would ever want to be
And it was one of the most beautiful moments
Of my life
Felt your arm next to me in the dark
There was a silence in the air
You were playing gently with my hair
I felt absolutely at peace
And it was one of the most beautiful moments
Of my life
We were talking about the most random things
I put my arm around through yours
Drawing circles on your palm
The intimacy felt like all I’d ever waited for
And it was one of the most beautiful moments
Of my life
Words don’t usually fail me but off late I feel like I have sort of lost my voice. All my teenage years, I spent wishing for certain things to happen…things have ALWAYS had a way of happening to me; I can’t complain of a boring adolescence. A little uninventive maybe, but never boring.
But then I was beginning to tire of all the passive living. I felt like I was someone unreal, someone who existed in another world. I grew tired of the vacuum. I grew tired of the dreams. I grew a little jealous maybe; but I started longing. My prayers became more desperate, infrequent and sometimes even hopeless. I was shrivelling up. My blossoms were beginning to shrink and the things happening to me were things I wished never had, things I wished I could erase, things I wished I hadn’t been a part of. What happened to the little girl who read all those wonderful books about dreams and hope and love? The girl whose eyes were full of wonder; the girl who felt the world was still right and that being right was still the good thing to do?
I feel lifeless; I feel like I was not where I wanted to be. I felt like I was running from everything.
But something is changing slowly. It is not like the movies…the change is not ALL sudden and beautiful and exciting, it is sometimes disturbing, irritating too and everything inside me resists it because I have held on to things for so long that I am suffering from a state of inertia. But yes, things are shifting somehow…and it is pretty much like a real life movie.
I shared some things with three close friends and when we were talking, I realized how right they were. The events of the past few days were wonderful in my eyes of course, but I hadn’t been feeling the right amount of thankfulness. Now I do. There may not be perfection in this world and there was no background score but some things have nevertheless been exotic. And life’s tiny flaws make you love the things that happen all the more of course.
Am I happy? Yes. Am I content? Very. But I am still nervous. I am still afraid. I have realized how much strength it needs to work things out and vulnerability scares me. I am sure it scares everyone and I only hope I can breeze through it like those forty minutes!
All the small things
True care, truth brings
I’ll take one lift
Your ride best trip
Always, I know
You’ll be at my show
Watching, waiting, commiserating
Say it ain’t so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home ❤
…my heart burns like hot wax on my skin
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