Sifting through the memories of my life for so very long, I find many gaps in these twenty-odd years. As I stand on the brink of turning 21, I realize that with age, regrets are starting to pile up too. I feel like it is the worst thing about growing up.
All those things and people and feelings which become memories which translate into ONE emotion. Regret.Why did I do something. Why didn’t I do something. Why did I let someone go? Why didn’t I let someone go? My mind is already full of many such questions and it is easy to expect that no matter what, they will continue to grow until my dying day. And that is just making me sad.
There are so many people we unintentionally hurt, so many people who unintentionally hurt us. And there never is a second chance to just say sorry. And time will always move forward, those first chances will never come back. They will get buried deeper and deeper under a pile of regrets which you will carry around with you and ultimately die with.
Its the heaviness inside your heart. Sometimes it just gets to you. And induces feelings of helplessness because nothing you do can change the things you did do. Nothing you do can reverse those actions you regret. Nothing on earth will ever bring back the giddy joy of being a little kid, when it was easy to forget your tiny sorrows the moment you saw a colorful butterfly or a sandbox full of new things to imagine.
Its the politics of life that ultimately get to us. The emphasis we pay to human relationships and its trivialities instead of the many joyous opportunities that life’s transience provides us with.
But we’re all, ultimately, broken.