Quite frankly, the only feeling this question brings to my mind is embarrassment. I have NEVER, in any way, handled attention very well. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and on top of that, I end up making a fool of myself.
It is strange then, to live in a world where most people seek celebrity status and the number of existing out-goers and extroverts seemingly exceed people like me, simply because they’re more in the limelight. That doesn’t mean I don’t seek any form of appreciation or am totally secure this way. I love getting appreciation through my writing and this blog and of course, the more attention the merrier.
I am a contradiction in that way. Sometimes, if I don’t know I am under the radar I perform quite well. Sometimes, inspite of being under a radar I do average or slightly above-average. But the moment I start to THINK (ah, think.), that’s when I start to unravel.
WIsh I was Better with Attention
Would I like to like attention?
The answer is YES.
I would like to be more comfortable with attention. But at the same time I would like to stay rooted and in touch with myself, because things unravel quickly if you swing the other way too. I know that. But I am leaning towards one extreme so I would really love to re-align myself better!
Geeks are Cool
But there is a new culture I’ve seen growing lately. This culture of geeky being cool.
Growing up and being a book-lover and the only child for eleven years (until my little brother decided to come along), I never thought of cliches like geeks or nerds etc. It took me a few years in college to actually see that I was perceived as a geek because I read novels and that’s a bad thing?
Okay, first of all, ”cool” people watch movies but don’t they know how much better the book is? A book is a movie experience enhanced by a factor of hundred and that, in itself, makes the book COOLER.
But the geek culture is spreading. Its suddenly nice to be a geek.
And since I was okay with it before it became ‘cool’, so to say, I think it means I don’t care about this label.
Beyond all the stereotyping
Beyond all the stereotyping, I think I am kind of a mixture of someone who loves attention and someone who hates it, though I lean more towards the latter.
I told a friend once, ‘I’m just shy’.
And she replied, ‘No, you’re just a lot more reserved and that’s okay.’
The more I thought about it since she said this (its been a year plus now), the more I realized that its kind of true. And I am not just saying that because I am in denial!
But that being said, I wouldn’t mind fading into the woodwork.
I am a WALLFLOWER and okay about it!