Two years ago I wasn’t very hopeful about what coming back to college would feel like. A lot of me had corroded away and like a snake shedding away an old layer of skin but vulnerable yet in the new one, I wasn’t comfortable with the metamorphosis. I also admit that it never was easy to make friends with me. I used to take forever to open up and it used to be a slow and somewhat painful process. But you persisted! For some reason, you kept pushing through my walls until they fell to pieces on the floor. You’re one of the few people who’ve worked so hard on me. I still don’t know why you did it but I am so glad you did. If you hadn’t, I don’t think I would have gotten to a stage where I feel confident enough to walk into the big scary world and trust myself enough to know that everything will work out, not just because it’s meant to but because I can make it.
Every day with you is kind of like a picnic because it’s full to the brim with things to laugh about and be playful about. I don’t know if you make me a child or I make you a child but whichever way it goes, in each other’s company we tend to go partly insane. Even in the middle of a serious conversation, we can turn the tables and give way to laughter and that, I believe, is the best thing about being with you.
You don’t give up or give in the way I do and I’ve learnt resistance from you. I’ve learnt worldliness and pragmatism from you too because with the idealistic worldview that I often tend carry around, I wouldn’t get much further than ten feet in this cat-mouse world of plotting and intrigue. In your company I have learnt about true stability and about daily happiness. I couldn’t be an ’emo kid’ anymore because you wouldn’t let me and I am so glad I got to this stage. If I must tell you the very truth, you have been a big part of me wanting to change the way I look at life. I was seeing things from far off, probably through a telescope. I didn’t want to get more directly involved in my own life. I was afraid of looking up at a lot of things- the world just seemed scary. But I’ve learnt that scary is not the only thing the world is. It’s a bittersweet adventure but that’s just it! It’s an adventure. And adventures are awesome. In fact, as Bilbo Baggins would say
That’s the way you’ve made me feel about life. About dreaded afternoons and about having conversations. About walks or just casually hanging out. You have made me love so many things I never thought I would love before.
And I know people can make things horrible for other people. It has happened to both of us, in different and yet similar ways. And it took us both down but we came up. You found me and through you I found a kind of friendship I didn’t dare think I would. I was very wise and very slow about letting you filter through my defenses. I was on my guard when I needn’t have been. I was careful every step of the way because I didn’t want to walk through a door and fall down a pit. Instead I walked out into a colourful new world I didn’t expect to see at a time when everything seemed pointless and I was numb. I don’t think this radical change would have been possible without you. I wish we had found each other sooner than we did. Two years seem like a little too less. There was more fun to be had.
But we’ll make up for it in the future. There’s that Queen-esque Europe trip that we’re definitely going to take together and be liberated in. Hanging on to that thought
Lots of love,